On July 30, 2010 the noontime show Wowowee ended its broadcast in the ABS-CBN network after 5 years of airing. It has something to do with the tension between Willie Revillame, it's host and the ABS-CBN management. It was replaced by another variety game show which was only short-lived as it lasted for only 5 months.

The network's producers then tasked the writers and creative directors to think of the strategy to entice the audience into watching the network's noontime shows again.

The writers were allegedly pressured to the brim, threatened to be fired if they cannot think of any great idea.

So the writers thought out of the box and went extreme. They formulated some new games akin to 'Pera o Bayong', which used to be a nationwide favorite. The following are the results of their bloody brainstorming.


Game #1

Name: 
Bahay o Buhay

Props: 
The player sits on a contaption up in the air, his neck is tied with a rope to the ceiling. The contraption could open its bottom making the contestant fall and hanging him to death. 

The Play:
The host offers a house. He asks the contestant to choose between 'Bahay' o 'Buhay'.

If the contestant choose 'Buhay', he does not get hanged. He gets a consolation prize.

If he choose 'Bahay', he gets the house or whatever is offered by the host and he gets hanged in the contraption thus ending his life.

The Negotiation:
The host initially offers bahay kubo. The contestnt will choose buhay since he knows his life is worth more than that.

The host offers a duplex. Contestant says, 'Buhay!'.
A bungalow house. Contestant says, 'Buhay!'.
A 2-story house with a garage. 'Buhay! Buhay!'
A 2-story house with garage and swimming pool. 'Buhay!'.
A mansion with 10 rooms, 2 swimming pools and your own rooftop garden. Final offer. 'Bahay o Buhay?!'

The contestant would hesitate. Thinks for a long time. 
In the end, the promise of a beautiful house overpowered him and he whispers, 'Bahay na po, bahay na po.'

At that point, the host pulls the lever and opens up the bottom of the contraption hanging the contestant to death.

The host invites the family and shouts their winning.
'You just won a mansion with 10 rooms and two swimming pools with your own private graden. Congratulations!'
The family cries hard. And jumps up and down.


Game #2

Name:
Pera o Puri

The contestant preferably female is inside a cubicle. The cubicle is close on three sides and covered by a thin curtain on front instead of a window. The contestants silhouette is projected on the curtain.

The Play:
The host offers money. He asks 'Pera o Puri'. 

If the contestant chooses 'Pera', the contestant will instantly get the money offered. However, a lecherous old man goes inside the cubicle to remove an article of clothing from the contestant and do something lecherous to her.

The host then offers a larger aount of money and the game continues.

If the contestant finaly says 'Puri' she will get the last amount offered and the game ends.

The Negotiation:
The host initially offers 10 pesos.
The contestant, knowing it's not worth it, chooses 'Puri'. The game could have eneded there.
But the host increases his offer to 100. Contestant chooses 'Puri'.
Host offers 1000. 'Puri'.
Host bluffs that this is the last offer, '10,000!'.
The contestant thinks for a while. 'Pera na po.' A lecherous old man then enters the cubicle and removes her top and does something lecherous. The silhouette is displayed. The old man then leaves.
Host offers a larger amount '100,000!'
The contestant does not hesitate, 'Pera po.' while sniffing. A different old man enters and leaves.
Host offers '200,000.'.
Contestant says 'Pera po.' between her sobs. A different old man enters and leaves.
Host says '300,000!'
Contestant says 'Puri na po!' while crying uncontrollably.
But the hst is persistent, '500,000!'
Contestant got silent for a while. In the end she says 'Pera po, pera.' Two old men entered removes all clothing from her.
The game continues.
At the host's offer of 1 million, 5 old men are already at the opening of the cubicle. The curtain is now brushed to the side leaving the contestant exposed totally while in a fetal position.
The host shouts 'Final offer! 1 million! Pera o Puri!'.
The contestant mumbles, 'Pera. pera na. pera lang. pera pera lang. pera. pera.' The five old men goes in.
And the host shouts, 'Congratulations!!! You won 1 million pesos.!!!'
The five old men jumps up and down.


The writers submitted their idea to the producers who then reviewed their idea. The producers' asked, "Are you expecting us to televise a person dying because of money and a woman being raped because of money?!?! This is ridiculous! This is a civilized country and we are a kind-hearted network!"

The writers' reply to them, "But Madame  people are already doing these things in real life. They are risking their lives in fireworks factories, in deep sea level workplaces,  and in less than safe environments. People are being raped in Quezon ave and other dark streets in exchange for money. We're just televising them and giving them higher amounts of monney for their efforts! What's wrong with that?!"

The producer say, "You know what's wrong. We do not do this kind of things in this company. Not under my watch."

The writers' say, 'OK, so let's tone it down a little bit. Let's just make people do death-defying acts that looks like performances like eating swords or whatever. Let's make girls dance in skimpy clothing. Which is what is happening right now under your watch. It doesn't really make a lot of difference to me. We're just taking it pro!'

The writers were allegedly fired from the station at that very moment.

The producers are not available for comment as of press time.


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This report is highly credible. It is based on insider reports from eye witnesses according to the friend of a classmate of the hairdresser of the author's office mate's neighbor's text mate. 

A film may be about the story and adventures of the main actor. But there are other characters which are just as important.

From shooting bullets on target, to keeping the prisoners captive, they never get things right. It's a mystery why the boss still keeps them. (Maybe he gets their services for free.)

Seriously, the boss should consider hiring more experienced henchmen already, like ex-Delta Forces or ex-Marines.

Signature moves: 1. Shooting every object in sight -- except the protagonists. 2. Getting punched in the face multiple times (and act as if they were surprised.)



They provide comic relief to a somber tale. They know how to get things for the protagonist, guns, cigars, anting-anting, you name it they can get it. They stick to the protagonists side until the end (although they usually die first and never see the end of the story.)

(I hope someone makes a film featuring sidekicks in the lead roles and the big name stars only having small roles.)

Notable scenes: Being tortured and killed for not divulging the protagonist's hideout.




I got no particular artist in mind right now. But you know who this character is, you've watch them many times. The protagonist asks for an information (like where is the hideout or who killed the prisoners). But the informant  says nothing because he is afraid. But he is greatly indebted to the protagonist! Dilemma... So the informant just says nothing, he says he don't know that the location is in Brgy. 1234 City Hall. He says he don't know that Mr. Y is the killer. He kept his mouth shut.








They are those that are always there for the lead actor/actress,  as a friend, a sister or just someone who cares.

You know that everything will be alright no matter what the problem is as long as Dimples is there on your side. And you just feel that she sincerely thinks of your best interest.

(She almost always has that role in every single film I watch with her in it. She should have her own film already!)





He will open his house for the protagonist in trouble. He will give asylum. He will fight while the lead is still resting and healing his wounds. He will fend off the enemy long enough for the protagonist to prepare. But the protagonist does prepare fast enough. The uncle is killed right before the lead busts out the door killing everyone.



Priests come in different colors in Pinoy cinema

Ruben Rustia as the old school, no joke priest.
Cris Daluz, a priest with some fantastical/supernatural leaning
Subas Herrero, a priest with a dark side a la padre damaso
Lou Veloso,  a comic priest
Bembol Roco, the fighting priest

The church is an important setting in most films. It serves as a turning point for the protagonist. When the lead  actor loses hope after a big battle, he goes to church, blames God then cries. Then the priest comes and gives a sound advice. Then, off goes the protagonist on a new clear path.